The Wastelander's Guide To The Apocalypse

So, look here. The apocalypse is on its way. And you just haven't studied for it yet! So why don't you make like a tree, and STUDY SUPER FAST BEFORE IT COMES!

I'll give you some of my notes. I have some nifty tips and tricks, and advice. I'll number it so it's easier to cheat on tests.

WEAPONS:

No matter what kind of apocalypse, you're going to need weapons. Whether it's a Zombie Apocalypse, Dead-Society Apocalypse, Nuclear Fallout Apocalypse, Rainbow Kitty apocalypse, Super-Radiation You-Are-A-Zombie Apocalypse--Ok maybe not that last one, because that would basically be a Zombie Apocalypse--YOU WILL NEED WEAPONS.

#1 THE ART OF CAMOUFLAGE/SURPRISE/ADVANTAGE

First thing you need to realize is that this stupid format changed the font. Second-first thing you should realize is that good camouflage could mean the difference between life, and some weird, very painful mutated virus half-life-half-decayed-walking-corpse life. If you're well hidden, nobody will suspect an attack. And advantage-it's a good thing to have.

AVOIDING WEAPONRY AND TRAPS:

Tip #1: NEVER--under any circumstance--step on a landmine. One hundred percent guarantee you will be blown to kingdom come. This is what one looks like:

IF YOU FIND ONE OF THESE, DO YOUR BEST NOT TO STEP ON IT. SOMETIMES IT IS UNAVOIDABLE, BUT PLEASE REALIZE THAT THESE ARE NOT TOYS THAT YOU PLAY AROUND WITH. THEY ARE DEADLY AND HAVE KILLED PEOPLE BEFORE. I know it looks like a canteen, but don't do it. Just don't.

Tip #2: Don't get hurt.

If you get shot, radiation will fester the skin and cause Mellahuplaimya. If you get cut, you will probably get tetanus and contract the disease that I have just stated. Which is a very bad disease. It makes your skin fester.

If you break a bone--pray to God you don't have to--you are deadest meat on the planet. You are so dead.

TIP #3: Pick a team. Whether it be 'Wolf Assassins' or 'Anime Cos-Player Club', a group is a good thing. You have people watching out for you. Someone else paying for your food, and, guns are cool.

TIP #4: Don't help other people. People might need your help. I've been playing Fallout 3 by Bethesda Softworks quite a bit recently, perhaps more than I'd like to admit, and this really retarded guy, he's so annoying, he just sits outside of Megatown! Begging for water! But not just any water, no. He's begging for PURIFIED water! THIS IS A FREAKING RADIOACTIVE WASTELAND LIKE YOU HAVE NO WAY OF GETTING PURIFIED WATER HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE PHRASE "BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS"? My goodness. He goes on and on about how if you don't give him purified water, he'll die. But there he sits. Every day on his stupid posterior, not doing anything, not working for water. Just sitting there like a bum. He won't die. He's programmed to NEVER DIE. HE DOESN'T NEED WATER. HE IS LITERALLY 1s AND 0s. HE'S JUST A FRAGMENT OF CODE!

TIP #5: Good lord stay away from everything. All matter. It just sucks. It's all mutated, and really disturbing. Just stay away.

That's all I have right now, but I'm sure there's more knowledge and wisdom in my brain. And as always,