On Tour Questions For Oliver Clearwater

I am currently on tour right now, and I'm supposed to answer questions I get from my fans on Tweeter or whatever bird thing that social media is called.

Anyways, the first question was:

1) How longe have u been spreding greate facts to evryone?

A) I've been coming up with great ideas and helping others since the age of -3 months. When my mom was six months pregnant she almost went on a roller coaster, so I kicked her in the gut to let her know that wasn't the best thing to do.

And after that, the questions flowed like water. CLEAR water

2) I need some serious help right now. I want to know what Graham Crackers taste like, but every time I put one in my mouth, it breaks! I can never know what they TRULY taste like unless they don't break in my mouth. I'm sure it tastes way better fixed. Can you help me? Sincerely, Josiah B.

A) There are many ways to help. First, visit the sanctuary of pandas, where they do nothing but eat things all day. Then, visit the sanctuary of koalas, but the best thing to do is go to all three of them, and visit the sanctuary of the Titan boa. They'll teach you how to swallow the thing whole.

3) Help! How do I solve a Rubix cube!?

A) Quick! Chuck it down the Grand Canyon!

4) Can you do a movie review on Major Pain? I need your word because movie critics are dumb.

A) He farts, kid dies. The End.

5) im suposed to do a book report in english class and i chose polytics for dummies but the teacher won't let me. i dont know why. i think it just because it has the word "dummy" in it. p.s. my teacher is a women name ms bella. sincerly, hiphopbeastsavageblazeit6969

A)Well, hip-hop beast savage blaze it 6969, sometimes teachers and principals of most schools want to act like fags. They racially discriminate white people, they hate boys and girls (but love transgenders and lesbians, gays, etc.), and mistreat people whose parents have guns. It's hard to tell them that they're stupid idiots, so just pick a more offensive book (e.g. the Bible) and write a book report on that.

I have more questions coming in but I'll answer them later.